Life of a Caregiver....

It occurred to me this week that it will be 8 years since taking in 2 of my family members to live with us. What have I learned, and is it what I expected? Well, amazingly enough, through this experience I realize that I have changed quite a bit. The first 2 years were very difficult because I was so emotional and took things too personal. With the loving support of my husband and a lot of prayer I have realized that these 2 people I am caring for are not going to change, I had to change how I dealt with it all. Unlike raising children, which you hope you can influence and help to become who they are suppose to be, care taking is dealing with who they have already become. Plus, the fact that growing up with these people is quite different than the current situation. I think what all caregivers face is dealing with the responsibility of making the decisions for 2 grown adults that is in their best interest even though they may rebel. There are many character flaws I have discovered in myself and have tried to work on these throughout this experience. A lack of appreciation is hard to deal with as well. You begin to feel devalued as you are dealing with constant disrespect and stubbornness. The way that works for me is I have to disassociate myself with the task at hand. The only way I can cope with the situation is to look at it as a business arrangement. This takes the emotion out of it because instead of family members they become...... clients. Of course I still love them and want the best care for them but it takes it to a controllable level for me. Despite what happens and what they may think I can view this as a valued service I am providing for them. Even though they seem to not appreciate it I know it is of value. So, I have created a business called "Senior Resource" in which I am the manager. I have associates that help and support but I manage the care and delegate as needed. We do require "time off" occasionally and that is where the "associates" come in.

I have called other business's in the area to see what they charge to provide this service so I know what the cost is. I really do understand how doing this impacts a family and their lives. It is overwhelming at times to think of this responsibility and how it affects you on a daily basis. There are not the rewards like parenting brings, but just knowing in your heart that you are providing the best care that they could get right now... just has to be enough. I know there will come a time when I will not be able to provide this service for them anymore. It will be difficult to make that decision, but I see it approaching all too soon. I hope at that moment I can be assured of the work I have done has been in their best interest.

I became a caregiver after my mother passed away. Before she died I promised her I would take good care of her husband & oldest son. I really feel I have honored that promise because I know that is what she would want me to do. That has carried me through this experience. She was a woman who had the patience of a saint and the tolerance of a warrior in my eyes. I see that now more than ever as this last year has been especially difficult. I feel her spirit at times when it seems I can't go on. She is whispering, "You can do it, its the right thing to do"....A promise is important to me. I hope and pray I have and can continue honoring this promise the best way possible.

A Promise Kept

A promise can be made, what kind of person keeps them?
“I will be there”, says one, “I will do it”, says another.

“I will”, says the daughter” as her mother asks, “Can you take care of them?”
“Will you be able to? I can no longer do it, but concern and worry keeps me hanging on….My aging husband, your father, my disabled son, your brother.
“I promise”, says the daughter. Her mother slips away...The daughter heart-broken sits weeping, her mother gone, leaving her a lifetime of memories, sweetened by her mother’s love and devotion to her family.

Eight years later……..caretaking has taken its toll..daughter exhausted. Doctor appointments, medical emergencies, difficult decisions, time, worry, concern…
“How can I do this?” she asks.
Please give me strength,
Please give me hope,
Please give me purpose.
Her thoughts reflect. upon the day her mother passed,
“Yes, I promise”..
The value of that promise runs deep within her soul.
Her hope- regained.
Her strength-renewed
Her purpose-redefined
Yes mother, you kept your promises and I will keep mine.